I wish I knew why I always avoid conflicts. I wonder why I never stand up for myself to others. Mostly, why do I feel the need to forgive others so quickly.

What is it, I wonder, that drives me to do so each time? Why do I continue even when I know the cost in the long run.

Have I always been so alone and so thirsty for acceptance? Do I crave it that much? This craving that drives me to forgive, break down, and analyze all slighted actions and words against me. At the same time, why do I let them pass by as if nothing was ever said.

I wonder, does it maybe run deeper than that? Or is it that I do it simply because I fear being alone with myself and my thoughts? So much so, that I readily forgive people’s actions?

Will I ever manage to forgive myself for all the harm I am doing to myself? I allow this type of behavior, causing me harm.

Perhaps, it is time to start forgiving myself. I can take a small step towards learning to truly forgive myself. I should also start standing up for myself and my beliefs.

After all as Lao Tzu once said , ” A Journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step”.